Learn To Love Without Fear

"As I struggle to overcome my denial I ask myself if it is all true. How much do I really know about love? If I knew it all, I wouldn't be making all these mistakes. Can I step back and see myself for who I have become and admit there are still moments when I myself continue to fail? And, when someone else fails to love me is it intentional or do they lack the same knowledge about love that I do?

I am beginning to hear the cries of pain from my own wounded heart. Can I hear theirs? How many times in my life has the fear that they wouldn't love me stolen my courage and robbed me of the strength to defend myself. And, when it happened and I failed to love and be loved, I lost my love of self. I admit it.

Surrendering at last to the realization that much of the pain and sorrow in my past was caused by my lack of knowledge of what love really is, I feel the tears of regret slide down my cheek as I sink ever deeper into this pit of despair. Look what has become of me! I have lost my love of self.

 Thinking that love was just a gift given and received I didn't recognize the power it has to control my destiny. And these were not just found in the moments when I loved myself or someone else and made positive changes in who I am. Look at what happened when, not knowing how to love, this failure caused me to change in ways I am unhappy with?

In my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I failed to do, without love to guide me, I have lost control over my destiny. But who will forgive me if I continue to deny it? With that thought I begin to see the source of all my fears. I need to learn how to love and be loved. It is my only hope for peace and love and happiness in the future. I am so tired of living in fear." J.