Balanced

Balanced has become a very popular word in our language these days. The implication is becoming clear to all of us who hear it constantly repeated in every passionate plea for our attention. Our whole world is becoming unbalanced and is about to tip over on its side. In their efforts to save the world, they beg us to quickly run over to their side to help.

Balanced this and balanced that, balanced diet, balanced approach, balanced budget: we teeter on the edge of the abyss as they plead with us to share their fears as they ask us to focus on their side of the subject at hand. Every time I hear the word "balanced" I know I’m in for a prolonged effort to educate me on the dangers of picking one side too soon. If they are using the word "balanced", there is another side to the issue and it is unlikely they are going to share it with me.

After lecturing me on the need to keep an open mind, they proceed to fill my ear with a few carefully selected facts on the subject hoping to tip the scales in their favor. I hold a lot of these people responsible for the times I have chosen to take a side before I discovered what the real score was, only to find to my dismay that I had joined the losing team. When it comes to losing your balance, this feels like falling off the curb and getting run over by a truck.

Sometimes I decide the safest place for me might be up in the observation tower yelling encouragement to both sides. Having no opinion just encourages them to try harder to persuade you to join their team. The best advice I can give you here, is that until you pick a side, you should stay away from the edge of the tower platform. If they give up trying to persuade you, they will sometimes give you a shove just to vent a little of their frustration. If you lose your balance up there, at least you get a few seconds on the way down to think about the mistake you almost made, before you hit the ground.

It took awhile, but I finally figured out that there are times when balance is really important, and other times when leverage is the best way to get something done. Leverage is what we use to knock someone else off balance. Think of leverage as a balancing tool. That tool gives us an opportunity to get around them if they are becoming an obstacle. The noises they make while we are doing this gives everyone the impression that they are becoming a little "unbalanced." We can then use this to our advantage as well.

Sometimes we can even get them to spend a little time in the observation tower or on the sidelines. Up in the tower, on the fence, or in the psychologists office, it makes no difference to us as long as we are able to convince them to get off the playing field and out of our way. This is the best place for most everyone until they make up their mind. If we force them to pick a side before they are better informed, the world will most certainly start to tip over again.

Seeing the words "balanced" and "leverage" used in the same sentence makes it easier to consider the fact that balanced is a passive activity, whereas leverage is an aggressive one. To test this theory we can now look at simple actions like our diets, and realize that a balanced diet is used to maintain an ideal body weight, and a weight-loss diet is a form of leverage we use to aggressively force ourselves back to the “ideal.” This works for budgets, politics, housekeeping, and even child-rearing as long as we can find some leverage and have a clear picture of what’s “ideal.”

Now that we have set up our analogy of a balanced approach to forming our opinions, let’s go back and see what makes it all true. The goal here is to get everyone we can on the winning team. The question here is what makes an opinion a balanced one? What turns an opinion into an aggressive one? And, what do we use for leverage to get it all back into balance? Remember to think of leverage as a balancing tool.

As strange as it might seem, there is one answer for all three of these questions. That one answer is knowledge. But, before we start using our knowledge as leverage, we need to make sure we are joining the winning team. That requires that we spend a little time observing which way the world is tipped so we can do our part to get it back in balance. What we are now looking for is what "ideal" is. You cannot have balance without it.

All this talk about balance has helped me to realize that those who seek balance in their lives have to be willing to form their opinions with the knowledge that there are two sides to every issue. If you want to do this, listening to both sides in order to find your balance, and still stay in the game, you have no other choice than to become a referee. At least that way you can get both sides to the middle now and then, even if it is just for the coin toss.

The best thing about being a referee is that they can all yell and scream at you for as long as they dare, and then you get to make the final decision as to whether they have broken the rules. You know the rules. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, love your neighbor as yourself. Yeah! Those rules!! And, in an “ideal” world anyone who doesn’t play by the rules loses their right to have an opinion.

If you like being told "I told you so." Try my other blog: This Old Man

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"Bare" Necessities

Necessity seemed like a plain vanilla flavored word until I stopped one day and asked myself what I couldn’t do without in this life I had created for myself. As I mentally worked up a list of those things I could not do without, I quickly became humbled by my many extravagances. I had risen so far above the “bare necessities” that I started to get dizzy when I stopped for a moment to look down.

Strange that “look down” came to mind when I my thoughts led me back to the poverty of my youth. Recalling those moments when my survival from paycheck to paycheck was in question, it brought back the fears this caused me, too. Now it seems I often turn my nose up and “look down” at things I had once upon a time been thankful to have. Realizing I was losing touch, I vowed to reexamine my needs and see if how I am filling them now has changed my definition of a necessity. It was time to regain my perspective.

The human thought process can sometime be thought of as a pot of soup set on the stove to slowly come to a boil. Then we turn the heat down a little and let the flavors co-mingle until something rises to the surface and catches our eye, begging to be tasted. As I worked to conjure up my thoughts about what I thought were basic necessities, I began to see what I had put in my “soup.”

At my age the money in my savings and retirement accounts are now a necessity, but it was not always so. There was a time when every penny was counted twice before it was spent. Now, food is never farther away than the fridge or the pantry, and chocolate has become a necessity. Now I can taste just a hint of dark chocolate in my “soup.” I wonder. Is this a good thing? Have I lost my appreciation for macaroni and cheese and hamburger, and instead require Italian pasta and steak?

Fashion has elevated my clothing to the extreme of my sense of modesty, while at the same time costing me more for even less fabric. Expensive vehicles have replaced comfortable walking shoes, and pedestrians and bicyclists are seen as moving targets. My lumpy futon has be replaced long ago by a space age foam mattress, and my pine board and cinder-block bookshelves were passed on to my children because everyone should own one at least once.

As my “soup” begins to thicken I begin to see all the things I have added to spice my life up a little and make it more palatable. As they rise to the surface I notice that a lot of them have a “used only once” tag on them, and they quickly sink out of sight to the bottom of the pot. The problem with soup is that if you over season it you have to live with the results. Good luck getting those two tablespoons of chili powder back out.

Getting back to the whole point of this exercise, which is adding wisdom to our decisions as to what we consider to be a necessity. After all, this soup I have created is not the main course, and it’s certainly not going to be my desert. At least I am no longer so naïve as to think that I can’t dump out a pot of awful tasting soup and start over.  Funny! Now I remember a few times when I had no other choice but to eat the crow I had put in there.

 
Longing for a plain glass of water to wash the last spoonful down, I’m beginning to see that most of the things in my life right now are necessities by choice and barely resemble the original “bare” ones. I need to start being more selective as to what I put in my “soup.” There is a limit as to how many times I can dump out the pot and start over from scratch.

 

p.s. I miss the socks and underwear I used to get for Christmas from my parents. I'm putting those items back on my shopping list this year for my "adult" children. It's time to get serious about what necessities are. Getting those things from someone who loves you makes them even better than anything else you might put in your Christmas "soup."

Little Old People

When it comes to the various stages of getting old, I have many opinions about older people that are clearly defined by their attitude about life in general. We have the “newbie” who has just acquired the title of old and is struggling to accept it. Then again, we have the “senior citizen” who is actively in pursuit of all the benefits it has to offer, like discounted meals and tickets, as well as group bus tours and Bingo night.

We also have our “elders.” This group came into being when someone accidentally misspelled older and everyone who was getting old jumped at the chance to regain their self-respect. Elder also means a person of higher authority and a respected member of the group, so we can easily understand their desire to be an elder instead of just older, even if they didn’t do anything to deserve the title.

Aging is a progressive condition from which there may be an occasional reprieve, but there is never any permanent cure. It is important to determine what stage an old person is in so you will know how to deal with them. There are many different stages of growing old so we have chosen only one of the more important ones to examine in detail. 

When it comes to getting old one thing for sure: if their health holds up, eventually they make it to the “little old people” stage. This is the stage where they all start to shrink, hence the phrase “little old people.”

They have stopped listening long ago to their mother telling them to stop slouching and sit and stand up straight, so they lose a couple of inches due to poor posture. Add the loss of bone mass and muscle tone to this stooped over frame, and the shrinking continues as they begin to lose their battle with gravity. Throw in a badly fitting pair of dentures that can result in a poor diet, and they shrink even faster. There you have it, one little old person.

What I really like about little old people is the fact that, after they survive all those other stages of becoming old, they get back their sense of humor. Not only that, they develop a greater appreciation of the little things in life. At this stage of the process of getting older, there is one more thing they can usually be counted on to have regained. That would be patience.

As I begin to form my opinions about little old people, and including in that opinion the many words of wisdom they have bestowed upon me, I can see that the wisest of them had great patience. As I delve deeper into my search for the qualities needed to have wisdom, patience is becoming high on my list. Let’s face it. If we offer someone some wisdom, it is never wise to say “I told you so” too soon. We must learn to be patient.

Another thing I have noticed is how little old people deal with the facts. Notice I was wise enough not to confuse facts with the "truth." When we share what we know with them, they simply add it to what they already know, and then make a minor adjustment to their opinion on the subject. Seldom do we completely change their mind on anything. It would be good for us to remember at this point, that they didn’t survive as long as they have by being stupid.

It only takes us a little while to figure out that, for them the truth really is just a shared opinion. Not only that, unless we ask them what they know that we don’t, we’ll never be as wise as they are right now. It’s a good thing they have the patience to simply wait until we wise up and ask them for a little advice. That is, right after they say “I told you so”, and just before they treat us like a child.
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Inventions

Invention is one of those words that always invokes a mental picture of a crude drawing on a piece of paper, with arrows and words added at key points to bring it to life for whomever we might share it with. It is a wonderful image of the “birth of an idea.”

All of us have the potential to start this magical process inside our fertile imaginations, allowing our thoughts to come together to form something so original in its concept that it literally begs us to set it free, and share it with the world. And so it begins, as we set pencil to paper, and our “baby” comes to life.

Keeping in mind that all inventions are physical manifestations of original ideas, we look to the purpose of each invention to discover the “original” idea. This is where we uncover some very disturbing facts. We discover that many inventions are being used for purposes far removed from its original intent, much to the chagrin of the inventor.

To discover when an invention has taken such a path, we must look for the foundations that are always the root causes of original thought. With all inventions we find all sorts of interesting roots, but by and large, most of them involve saving us time, improving the quality of life, and increasing our productivity. Inventions that don’t fit these parameters are usually born of “single parents” and soon become “orphans.”

We have all benefited from the advances in civilization that have come from the fertile imaginations of those who have successfully transferred their thoughts from mental images to pencil drawings on paper. Unfortunately, we have also now begun to suffer from what happens when those original ideas escape from their original intent, and take on a life of their own.

What we are talking about here is not, the “birth of an idea,” nor our “baby” coming to life to improve the quality of life. It certainly can’t be said to be responsible for an increase in our productivity. These “inventions” are not the original “brainchild” of their creators, but “monsters” that have taken on a life of their own.

Before we continue in our search for wisdom, look around you at the inventions you have surrounded yourself with. How many of them waste your time instead of saving it? How many threaten the quality of your life, your health, and your relationships instead of improving them? And, how many of them are responsible for a decrease in your productivity?

We Are What We Eat!

Like all things we need to sustain life, food has a way of literally shaping who we are. Our clothing can often define our life style, and the neighborhood we live in will often tell the tale of our fortune or misfortunes, but food crosses all these social barriers and affects everyone equally, rich or poor. No one escapes the repercussions of a poor diet.

One of the many glimpses of the bright side of life, often shared between those who face adversity, includes the saying, “Well, at least you have your health.” This is an acknowledgement that our ability to rebound from any tragedy life throws at us hinges largely on our physical condition.

Any health problem that inhibits our ability to enjoy life to its fullest is considered to be a serious drain on our resiliency, at times even affecting our will to live. Until we start to be more cognitive of the impact our diet has on this resiliency, our loss of overall vitality is blamed on a host of other mental and emotion issues.

At times it seems like a steady diet of stress gets more attention as to its effect on our health, rather than what we are eating. Another is being emotionally starved for love and affection, and its effect on our overall health. To make matters worse, it seems we lose all desire to eat a balanced diet whenever, we are suffering from these other “dietary imbalances.”

So, it appears to be true that we are what we eat, until we finally come to our senses and realize that we are simply compounding our problems by damaging our health. Food was never mean to be used as a sedative for mental overload or a balm for a broken heart. It is not a medication, but it can be addictive when it is used as one.

If we search for the truth in all of our dietary choices, what is notably missing most of the time is the decision to eat foods that promote health, in quantities that prevent obesity. These balanced proportions are designed to build stamina and a resiliency that helps us better cope with the steady diet of adversity that life is always adding to our plates.

I must say it was easy to write this all down, and profess some wisdom when it comes to eating a balanced diet and avoiding the dangers of overeating because we may be under mental and emotional stress. But, in truth, most overeating and dietary imbalances are caused by one major problem. The foods we really like to eat taste good, so we eat more than we should.

There are times when I look in the mirror and see a slight resemblance to a beach ball, and I’m sure that if I could resist that second helping I could regain some of my youthful appearance. Now I will surely pay the price for my foolish decision to forsake my health for another piece of pie if I don’t mend my ways.

There is a solution to this problem. It’s not an easy solution, but it does become more palatable when we give it a try and discover that the phrase “Well, at least you have your health.” is critical to longevity. If we eat what we need to maintain our health first, then we discover that we can get by with a much small portion of what we love to eat as a reward for our good behavior.

We are what we eat. We need to eat healthy. It is much easier to cope with life when you feel healthy. 

The Environment

 There are very few words more inclusive yet so personally unique than those we carefully chose to describe our environment. Even as we search for common ground upon which to agree, we quantify our findings, each of our personal opinions based on its impact on us as individuals.

Still, in the end we all end up huddled together as one mass of humanity looking for a solution to a common problem. Slowly we surrender to the knowledge that we are all a product, or sometimes a by-product of our environment.

Few can doubt the passion of an environmentalist seeking to preserve and protect the natural environment from the ravages of mankind. Nor can we find reasonable the ravings of someone who steps over the line and seeks to remove mankind altogether from the equation and use isolation as a solution.

Caught in this tug-o-war there is only one escape. Again, as I said earlier, we must surrender to the knowledge that we are often considered either a product or a by-product of our environment. As simple as these two sounds, when we apply them to ourselves the implications can be profound. A product is always the final results, whereas a by-product is often thought of only as an unintentional consequence.

Regardless, when we as humans begin to see ourselves as a product or a by-product we have lost our identity and joined the huddled masses of humanity. There is but one phrase that describes this condition best. We have achieved the denial of our individual responsibility. Unless we as individuals do our part to shape our environment, we become an unintentional consequence.

I, for one, refuse to surrender. If we make that positive step forward and accept responsibility for shaping the environment in which we live, our personal lives and the destinies we pursue will never be viewed as an unintentional consequence. Instead, we can take some credit for the next generation we produce.

As we seek some wisdom as to our roles as caretakers, role models, and shepherds to the masses, it matters not if we are talking about the natural environment, our home and work environments, or any or all of the many social environments that shape the masses. The solution appears to be the same. What we should all seek is to prevent anyone from ending ups as “an unintentional consequence.”

Anyone who feels that in their passion “the end justifies the means” leaves a trail of distraught humans being behind them. And, in their denial of responsibility they see them as sacrificial lambs for the greater good. This is not my idea of what a good shepherd looks like. It is important that we see all our environments as shared ones, and never allow our passions to blind us to our responsibilities for each others welfare.

Population Control

Whenever we hear about a shortage of food or clean drinking water we look for the cause. When disease spreads rapidly due to overcrowded conditions and poor sanitation, we begin look for someone to blame for the serious threat to human life that always occurs. Not long after we begin to hear the chants and drumbeats of the few who believe that population control is the best solution to this constantly reoccurring problem.

Naturally, since I never want to be part of the solution they propose, I stopped and asked myself if I have ever experienced these things that caused them to panic and propose such extreme measures. One by one I begin to understand those moments when population control crossed my mind.

My experience with drought was traumatic. Thirsty on a hot summer day I opened the lid of the ice chest at a party one party and discovered someone had beaten me to the last beer. Just for a moment I contemplated population control.

I have experience famine numerous times in my lifetime. The first real memory was as a younger member of a large family and the struggle for the last pork chop on the platter at dinnertime. Later on I experienced it again as a parent of teenagers with insatiable appetites. It’s true, both incidents triggered thoughts of population control: rapid, decisive, with no mercy.

Recalling my last exposure to disease, I began to mellow with age and begin to understand the human population problem a little better. After contracting a virus due to overcrowded conditions and poor sanitation, I was forced to rethink my views of population control as a solution.

What do you suppose could possibly cause such a radical shift in my thinking? I caught the flu virus. The overcrowded condition was a big hug and kiss from a grandchild. The unsanitary conditions were forgetting to cover their sneeze with a handkerchief, and wiping their runny nose on the back of their hand.  Population control never crossed my mind.

In every case, my droughts have been a temporary condition and not an excuse to limit someone else’s happiness. My famines have always been just a problem getting the food from Point A to Point B and not a real shortage. My diseases have been easily controlled by education and training. And, natural disasters come and go to remind us all that we are just a small part of a larger world.

My last natural disaster has caught me completely by surprise. We call it old age, and it is wreaking havoc on my plans to live forever. Faced with rapidly diminishing natural resources (my youth, energy, vitality, and health), conservation and preservation of what remains seems like a much better option than euthanasia. It would seem that Mother Nature really has this situation under control, and there is no need for us to interfere.

Thinking Outside The Box

Thinking outside the box has become a catchy phrase over the course of this last century. Most often credited to those who dare to dream of a better way, it is occasionally used to cast aspersions on those traditionalists who limit their thinking to what we already know to be true. Because it is unlikely that thinking outside the box is a new phenomenon, and it appears that many great advances in civilization can be attributed to this thought process, maybe it would be wise to learn how to do it.

All boxes have three or more sides and a top and bottom. If we measure them, we can then say we have its dimensions. Anything that is outside of this box is then said to be in another dimension. Depending on how creative you want to be, you can now think “outside the box” by adding as many dimensions as you want to the “bigger picture.” Warning: If you lose sight of the original box you are no longer thinking outside the box. You are fantasizing.

All this seems fairly straightforward, so it should be easy to pick out those who are wandering around in their own little fantasy world from those of us who are just looking for the truth. Multidimensional thinking can be thought of as one of the keys to the future. If you asked someone right now what the greatest threat to mankind is today they would probably say it is those people who have lost sight of reality. In other words, somewhere along their line of thinking they lost sight of the box.

One by one, all the advances to civilization have been discovered outside the box, and once proven to be true have been picked up and put inside. Really big discoveries have sometimes even forced us to build a bigger box. The mathematicians who set out to prove the current theory of the beginning of the universe finally accomplished their goal, but not until they had wandered all the way out to the thirteenth dimension. Bravo! But, I can’t help but ask why they stopped there. There’s still more to learn.

What we are searching for here is how to be wise, not only in our efforts to think outside the box, but also being able to spot someone else who has crossed over the line, and who is now stuck in a fantasy world. If we expect others to follow our lead, we must recognize that thinking outside the box is not a license to escape from reality. Instead, it should be considered the best of both worlds, providing us with the tantalizing hope for a bright future.

As we begin this search for wisdom, we begin to realize that all our hopes for the future can be found outside the box. Those dreams dwell in dimensions that at times seem so surreal as to be considered fantasies. Almost everyone believes that high in the night sky is a star with their name on it, waiting for them to claim it as their very own. Perhaps the best way to think outside the box is to stand on top of the box, and reach for the sky.

Random Acts Of Kindness

I have always been intrigued by those signs I see from time to time encouraging me to practice random acts of kindness. There never seems to be any particular season when they appear the most, but if I were to try posting one with any hope of success I guess I would do it during Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Immediately, saying that felt wrong to me, and I am forced to go back and think about it. Is kindness a seasonal thing? Can we ignore the fact that brotherly love seems to be promoted heavily for only a couple of months out of the year. After that we are on our own. Slowly I begin to see the real message in the signs. It is a very sad message indeed.

For me, random means having no rhyme or reason and not likely to occur again in any kind of regular fashion. Not wanting to accept that when it comes to being kind, I consulted the dictionary to see if there was a kinder, gentler definition. After a brief consultation with Daniel Webster, I return to report my dismay. Not wanting to share the gloomy results of my research, let me just say that random acts of kindness is a very bad idea if you want to be thought of as a kind person.

So it seems, you either are or you’re not. The sign that encourages this kind of erratic behavior begins to look like the final act of desperation of someone who has given up on humanity. They are tired of encouraging people to make a real difference in the world they share with so many others. How sad is that? Can’t you picture them now, standing on the street corner, begging for just one single kind act from a stranger.

Now, whenever I see the “Random Acts of Kindness” signs I put them in the same category as “Save yourself. The end of the world is coming!” Having just discounted the message itself as a desperate attempt to call on humanity to change how they treat one another, now I can focus on the real problem at hand. How do we convince people to change their “evil” ways and truly practice acts of kindness towards one another, not randomly, but all the time.

The real problem with this message seems to be the word random. I have experienced situations where people were kind to me one time, and then insulted me or stabbed me in the back the next. It is this random behavior that destroys any desire we might have to trust one another. If this happens often enough, every time someone is kind to us we wonder what their real motives are. Now, that is really sad! Like I said earlier, when it comes to kindness, you either are or you’re not. If you want people to trust you, take random out of your efforts to love and be loved.

Retirement

We all look at retirement as our reward for years of “nose to the grindstone” dedication to the pursuit of the almighty dollar. Hopefully we have stashed a few of those dollars away so we can pursue those idle pleasures we have denied ourselves for so long. Retirement has always been viewed as an achievement, one that all of us who are still working hope to reach some day.

Retirement is a fantasy we all indulge in, that is until we stop and take a look at the truth that is right before our eyes. There is a certain “honeymoon” period after you retire where you get to run around like you just escaped from prison, ducking all responsibilities that come your way, and gloating to everyone that you are on permanent vacation and every day is Saturday on your calendar. That doesn’t last for long. When you are done with your “vacation,” reality sets in as you start your search for ways to fill your time for the rest of your life. Most people don't realize that you need to plan, not just how and when to retire, but also your retirement itself.

Some retirements, especially the early retirements come as a shock to those who work with us. But, if you look a little closer you discover some really surprising facts about those who did make the decision to retire early. These are things that they seldom share with their co-workers. They decided to retire early because their job or career was literally killing them, mentally, physically, emotionally, or a combination of any or all of the above. Another reason for early retirement seems to be the impending and inevitable discovery that you have been promoted higher than your actual ability to perform, and it is better to get out now before they have to embarrass you by firing you.

Another retirement strategy is to leave one career behind in pursuit of fulfillment. I like this one the best. If you really want to make people envy you at your retirement party tell them all you have decided to retire so you could start a career doing what you love to do instead of what you have to do, or what other people expect of you. Cap that statement off with something about pursuing your true destiny and filling your life with peace, and love, and happiness.

You can almost see the tears running down their cheeks as they lift their glasses high to toast your new career even while you are leaving them behind to toil away in the trenches without you. Unfortunately, you leave at least half of them trying to fit career and destiny into the own current job description. Going to work the next day and finding out that you really have escaped can be a real downer to those you leave behind.

The bottom line for retirement is that it should never be considered the end of anything. Before we dive into what retirement is, and how to be wise about our retirement options and preparations, we will have to come to grips with the truth as to why we want to retire at all. As strange as that may sound at first, it makes much more sense when you view retirement as your well earned chance to pursue your destiny. Think of all you did before you decided to retire as just training for the main event. Retirement is that moment when you finally regain full control over your own life, what’s left of it that is.

Conservation

Conservation is not a new word in our evolving society. It’s a recycled word. Over and over again we have all endured momentary shortages of various things that make life more pleasant. Whenever that happens we bring back the word conservation in the hopes that we will not suffer a permanent loss of what we now consider a necessity of life.

Trying not to panic, we drag out the latest data to see how much of this resource still exists, and how long it will be before we run out completely given our present rate of consumption. I have noticed that for the most part it is almost always our children or grandchildren who will suffer from our over-indulgences. We always fondly refer to them as the next generation when we include other peoples children in our analysis.

I don’t mind the scare tactics too much, but the guilt they attempt to lay at my feet is sometimes more than I can bear. In an attempt to understand, I stop for a moment and try to recall what I am responsible for using up in my lifetime so the next guy got none. The first thought that came to mind was the last cookie in the cookie jar, or that time when I got the last doughnut off the plate and refused to cut it in half and leave it as sacrificial lamb for the conservation god. It’s amazing how often that last half of a doughnut goes into the trash the next day.

Although that makes it easier to understand, I still haven’t discovered any nonrenewable resources that I can claim to have helped wipe out. I guess the next generation doesn’t have too much to fear from me for after all. Still, conservation must have some value or we wouldn’t keep bringing it up. There are times when there is a real fuss about something, and I get a glimpse of a preservationist hiding in conservationist clothing. These “all or nothing” extremes can sometimes give the conservation movement a black eye.

In the real world the business community and the consumers they respond to seem to have been the final word on conservation for quite awhile now. We have a great phrase we use for this. We call it “supply and demand.” It has been controlling our nonrenewable natural resources for thousands of years now. The lower the supply levels and the greater the demand always raises the price. If the price gets too high we stop using it, buying it, and wasting it. Presto; we have conservation.

Given all these built-in controls we wonder why conservation still comes up whenever there is a shortage with another effort to curb our excesses. This is probably the true motivation for the conservationists movement in their efforts to get us to get control of our urge to consume everything in our path like a planetary lawnmower (save the rainforest) or any other well-oiled machine (we are running out of crude oil) we might be using to plunder the planet. They are doing it for our own good. That last cookie in the cookie jar is usually old and stale anyway. I will let them have it.

Family

As I stop and take a closer look at my opinions on family, I realize the risk I am taking. I have a large and extended family scattered across the planet. Some of them live in places I have never been. Some of them I have never spoken a word to. Still, they are my family, and that makes them special. The opinion we have as to why that is true is what we are in search of.

Knowing where these people come from and what limb of the family tree they are hanging from is important. That’s because family trees are very unusual. Each limb produces a different fruit. To take that one step further, it would seem that those limbs that don’t support the growth of the tree eventually die off. We don’t want to get to deep into this “tree” analogy or we will start talking about trimming, pruning, and all sorts of violent ways that family trees are reshaped.

Few people actually escape the early formation that their family can have on them as children. Although attitudes and prejudices are not genetic in nature, they do spread like viruses between people who live in close proximity to one another. Again, we don’t want to carry these analogies too far and start to see some of our family members as sick or diseased. It is enough to say that it is not always wise to seek advice about a family member from another family member. Insight is a wonderful thing, but “blood will always be thicker than water.”

 

The great thing about families is that when our time comes and we are dead and gone, everyone slowly starts to speak kindly about us again. Speaking “ill of the dead” has been a no-no in family circles for centuries. Eventually some of us end up being “the skeleton in the closet.” If I can take some liberties with a common phrase, “keep your enemies close, but keep your family a secret.” Even then, it is impossible to escape the draw that the words “family secrets” has on those who seek to keep the family records.

To be fair, all of us can always claim a certain amount of originality, even in a family context. This usually shows up when we start our own limb in the family tree. The fresh infusion of an outside influence (spouse) usually causes a little turbulence as skeletons normally brought out to join us in family gatherings are temporarily left in locked closets. We hear a few strange noises and grumbles from behind the door, but are spared the vocal barbs that let fly when certain topics come up until out new spouse is fully integrated into the family. 

This is where we find out that you don’t have to be dead yet to become a “skeleton in the closet.” Just your failure to come to the gathering and defend yourself can give you this special place of honor at the table. Please pass the meat, potatoes, and the gossip to your left. When the meal is over all that’s left are the bones.

Children - Here they come, ready or not!

There are all sorts of opinions on children, but I have chosen it first on my list for one simple reason. For me, having that first child was a life-changing event, one from which I have never fully recovered. Looking back, I can still remember what life was like ten months before the “blessed event” occurred. 

 

After a brief celebration, glasses raised and cigars passed out, reality struck me like a blow to the forehead. I had just shouldered what would probably prove to be the heaviest burden I would have to carry in my lifetime, raising a child from infant to adulthood. Abruptly, I sat down and watched my carefree youth vanish before my eyes.

There are books that prepare for the day to day care of an infant, but what they don’t teach you is that your child is “one of a kind” and their book was written for the other ninety nine percent of the population. It is frightening when you finally come to the realization that you are raising your child using the trial and error method.

Another proven child-raising technique is the cause and effect method, which requires knowledge, good record keeping, and attention to detail. The “I’m hungry” cry is different from the “I’m tired” or the ”Change my diaper” cry. That’s where the attention to detail comes in to play. Sometimes even this fails to work and we are forced fall back on trial and error as our position of last resort.

Crossing That First Line

     There is a line drawn in the sand we use to separate ourselves from the strangers of the world. We call it civil inattention, and at it’s best it is an effort to maintain our distance and still allow them enough space to pass by on a crowded sidewalk. Eyes forward, we look right through them in search of some distance object we have set as our goal. We try our best to extend them a modicum of trust, offered as a token for peaceful coexistence, hoping they mean us no harm. To a lucky few, we make eye contact and offer them a smile. It is an invitation for them to cross that first line, to share the world we live in with them, for one brief moment in time.

                                                                                           J.