Balanced

Balanced has become a very popular word in our language these days. The implication is becoming clear to all of us who hear it constantly repeated in every passionate plea for our attention. Our whole world is becoming unbalanced and is about to tip over on its side. In their efforts to save the world, they beg us to quickly run over to their side to help.

Balanced this and balanced that, balanced diet, balanced approach, balanced budget: we teeter on the edge of the abyss as they plead with us to share their fears as they ask us to focus on their side of the subject at hand. Every time I hear the word "balanced" I know I’m in for a prolonged effort to educate me on the dangers of picking one side too soon. If they are using the word "balanced", there is another side to the issue and it is unlikely they are going to share it with me.

After lecturing me on the need to keep an open mind, they proceed to fill my ear with a few carefully selected facts on the subject hoping to tip the scales in their favor. I hold a lot of these people responsible for the times I have chosen to take a side before I discovered what the real score was, only to find to my dismay that I had joined the losing team. When it comes to losing your balance, this feels like falling off the curb and getting run over by a truck.

Sometimes I decide the safest place for me might be up in the observation tower yelling encouragement to both sides. Having no opinion just encourages them to try harder to persuade you to join their team. The best advice I can give you here, is that until you pick a side, you should stay away from the edge of the tower platform. If they give up trying to persuade you, they will sometimes give you a shove just to vent a little of their frustration. If you lose your balance up there, at least you get a few seconds on the way down to think about the mistake you almost made, before you hit the ground.

It took awhile, but I finally figured out that there are times when balance is really important, and other times when leverage is the best way to get something done. Leverage is what we use to knock someone else off balance. Think of leverage as a balancing tool. That tool gives us an opportunity to get around them if they are becoming an obstacle. The noises they make while we are doing this gives everyone the impression that they are becoming a little "unbalanced." We can then use this to our advantage as well.

Sometimes we can even get them to spend a little time in the observation tower or on the sidelines. Up in the tower, on the fence, or in the psychologists office, it makes no difference to us as long as we are able to convince them to get off the playing field and out of our way. This is the best place for most everyone until they make up their mind. If we force them to pick a side before they are better informed, the world will most certainly start to tip over again.

Seeing the words "balanced" and "leverage" used in the same sentence makes it easier to consider the fact that balanced is a passive activity, whereas leverage is an aggressive one. To test this theory we can now look at simple actions like our diets, and realize that a balanced diet is used to maintain an ideal body weight, and a weight-loss diet is a form of leverage we use to aggressively force ourselves back to the “ideal.” This works for budgets, politics, housekeeping, and even child-rearing as long as we can find some leverage and have a clear picture of what’s “ideal.”

Now that we have set up our analogy of a balanced approach to forming our opinions, let’s go back and see what makes it all true. The goal here is to get everyone we can on the winning team. The question here is what makes an opinion a balanced one? What turns an opinion into an aggressive one? And, what do we use for leverage to get it all back into balance? Remember to think of leverage as a balancing tool.

As strange as it might seem, there is one answer for all three of these questions. That one answer is knowledge. But, before we start using our knowledge as leverage, we need to make sure we are joining the winning team. That requires that we spend a little time observing which way the world is tipped so we can do our part to get it back in balance. What we are now looking for is what "ideal" is. You cannot have balance without it.

All this talk about balance has helped me to realize that those who seek balance in their lives have to be willing to form their opinions with the knowledge that there are two sides to every issue. If you want to do this, listening to both sides in order to find your balance, and still stay in the game, you have no other choice than to become a referee. At least that way you can get both sides to the middle now and then, even if it is just for the coin toss.

The best thing about being a referee is that they can all yell and scream at you for as long as they dare, and then you get to make the final decision as to whether they have broken the rules. You know the rules. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, love your neighbor as yourself. Yeah! Those rules!! And, in an “ideal” world anyone who doesn’t play by the rules loses their right to have an opinion.

If you like being told "I told you so." Try my other blog: This Old Man

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"Bare" Necessities

Necessity seemed like a plain vanilla flavored word until I stopped one day and asked myself what I couldn’t do without in this life I had created for myself. As I mentally worked up a list of those things I could not do without, I quickly became humbled by my many extravagances. I had risen so far above the “bare necessities” that I started to get dizzy when I stopped for a moment to look down.

Strange that “look down” came to mind when I my thoughts led me back to the poverty of my youth. Recalling those moments when my survival from paycheck to paycheck was in question, it brought back the fears this caused me, too. Now it seems I often turn my nose up and “look down” at things I had once upon a time been thankful to have. Realizing I was losing touch, I vowed to reexamine my needs and see if how I am filling them now has changed my definition of a necessity. It was time to regain my perspective.

The human thought process can sometime be thought of as a pot of soup set on the stove to slowly come to a boil. Then we turn the heat down a little and let the flavors co-mingle until something rises to the surface and catches our eye, begging to be tasted. As I worked to conjure up my thoughts about what I thought were basic necessities, I began to see what I had put in my “soup.”

At my age the money in my savings and retirement accounts are now a necessity, but it was not always so. There was a time when every penny was counted twice before it was spent. Now, food is never farther away than the fridge or the pantry, and chocolate has become a necessity. Now I can taste just a hint of dark chocolate in my “soup.” I wonder. Is this a good thing? Have I lost my appreciation for macaroni and cheese and hamburger, and instead require Italian pasta and steak?

Fashion has elevated my clothing to the extreme of my sense of modesty, while at the same time costing me more for even less fabric. Expensive vehicles have replaced comfortable walking shoes, and pedestrians and bicyclists are seen as moving targets. My lumpy futon has be replaced long ago by a space age foam mattress, and my pine board and cinder-block bookshelves were passed on to my children because everyone should own one at least once.

As my “soup” begins to thicken I begin to see all the things I have added to spice my life up a little and make it more palatable. As they rise to the surface I notice that a lot of them have a “used only once” tag on them, and they quickly sink out of sight to the bottom of the pot. The problem with soup is that if you over season it you have to live with the results. Good luck getting those two tablespoons of chili powder back out.

Getting back to the whole point of this exercise, which is adding wisdom to our decisions as to what we consider to be a necessity. After all, this soup I have created is not the main course, and it’s certainly not going to be my desert. At least I am no longer so naïve as to think that I can’t dump out a pot of awful tasting soup and start over.  Funny! Now I remember a few times when I had no other choice but to eat the crow I had put in there.

 
Longing for a plain glass of water to wash the last spoonful down, I’m beginning to see that most of the things in my life right now are necessities by choice and barely resemble the original “bare” ones. I need to start being more selective as to what I put in my “soup.” There is a limit as to how many times I can dump out the pot and start over from scratch.

 

p.s. I miss the socks and underwear I used to get for Christmas from my parents. I'm putting those items back on my shopping list this year for my "adult" children. It's time to get serious about what necessities are. Getting those things from someone who loves you makes them even better than anything else you might put in your Christmas "soup."

Little Old People

When it comes to the various stages of getting old, I have many opinions about older people that are clearly defined by their attitude about life in general. We have the “newbie” who has just acquired the title of old and is struggling to accept it. Then again, we have the “senior citizen” who is actively in pursuit of all the benefits it has to offer, like discounted meals and tickets, as well as group bus tours and Bingo night.

We also have our “elders.” This group came into being when someone accidentally misspelled older and everyone who was getting old jumped at the chance to regain their self-respect. Elder also means a person of higher authority and a respected member of the group, so we can easily understand their desire to be an elder instead of just older, even if they didn’t do anything to deserve the title.

Aging is a progressive condition from which there may be an occasional reprieve, but there is never any permanent cure. It is important to determine what stage an old person is in so you will know how to deal with them. There are many different stages of growing old so we have chosen only one of the more important ones to examine in detail. 

When it comes to getting old one thing for sure: if their health holds up, eventually they make it to the “little old people” stage. This is the stage where they all start to shrink, hence the phrase “little old people.”

They have stopped listening long ago to their mother telling them to stop slouching and sit and stand up straight, so they lose a couple of inches due to poor posture. Add the loss of bone mass and muscle tone to this stooped over frame, and the shrinking continues as they begin to lose their battle with gravity. Throw in a badly fitting pair of dentures that can result in a poor diet, and they shrink even faster. There you have it, one little old person.

What I really like about little old people is the fact that, after they survive all those other stages of becoming old, they get back their sense of humor. Not only that, they develop a greater appreciation of the little things in life. At this stage of the process of getting older, there is one more thing they can usually be counted on to have regained. That would be patience.

As I begin to form my opinions about little old people, and including in that opinion the many words of wisdom they have bestowed upon me, I can see that the wisest of them had great patience. As I delve deeper into my search for the qualities needed to have wisdom, patience is becoming high on my list. Let’s face it. If we offer someone some wisdom, it is never wise to say “I told you so” too soon. We must learn to be patient.

Another thing I have noticed is how little old people deal with the facts. Notice I was wise enough not to confuse facts with the "truth." When we share what we know with them, they simply add it to what they already know, and then make a minor adjustment to their opinion on the subject. Seldom do we completely change their mind on anything. It would be good for us to remember at this point, that they didn’t survive as long as they have by being stupid.

It only takes us a little while to figure out that, for them the truth really is just a shared opinion. Not only that, unless we ask them what they know that we don’t, we’ll never be as wise as they are right now. It’s a good thing they have the patience to simply wait until we wise up and ask them for a little advice. That is, right after they say “I told you so”, and just before they treat us like a child.
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